Restaurant menu

What’s on the Cheetos restaurant menu? I tried everything and it was the best meal of my life

I had a name once. Tanya. I remember I never liked it very much, but that’s all I remember. This life and all these meaningless concerns seem far away now, as if they were nothing more than a momentary crackle of static in an endless stream of white noise. No – that name and life as Tanya is gone now, and all that remains is the orange-tinged ghost that I am now, a mere memory of who I was. What I’m trying to say is this is the story of the death of me, Tanya Ghahremani, at the opening of the pop-up Cheetos restaurant, the Spotted Cheetah, in TriBeCa on Tuesday after eating the best meal all my life there.

Fortunately, the Wi-Fi is great in paradise.

When my old self heard about the pop-up Cheetos restaurant opening in New York, she was skeptical. “A Cheetos restaurant?” I asked my colleague in disbelief. “I don’t know. I haven’t eaten Cheetos in years.” I remember being somewhat comforted by the fact that Anne Burrell, whom I already greatly respected thanks to my nightly binge-watching sessions of America’s worst cooks (which Burrell judged before), was creating the menu. Also, the entrees were only $8-$22, which is actually pretty reasonable for a dinner date in New York.

I RSVPed.

Tanya Ghahremani/Restlessness

Opening day finally happened, much to my fear and excitement. Walking towards the orange restaurant, my nostrils were immediately hit by the irresistible smell of Frito Lay’s Cheetos®. That’s when I realized I was stupid for eating an entire bowl of burrito for lunch earlier in the day, because damn it, how was I going to fit in my body all the food we were about to serve ourselves?

I resolved to make room. Didn’t someone once say that miracles happen once in a while, if you believe?

Tanya Ghahremani/Restlessness

The restaurant itself was a feast for the eyes. Orange streamers hung from the ceiling and photographs of our lord and saviour, Chester Cheetah, adorned the walls. A tree with Cheetos delicately hanging from its branches sat in the corner. The tables were covered in orange cheetah prints. The toilet paper was orange. Buckets of crushed Cheetos sat in the corner of the open kitchen.

Once seated at the table, the dishes began to unfold quite quickly. Of course, there’s nothing but fast service at Cheetos Restaurant.

The first course: starters

Perfectly fried green tomatoes

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The first course was a place of fried green tomatoes, lightly dusted with white cheddar Cheetos on an arugula salad. I felt quite confident after seeing this dish that I would be able to consume all the food without my stomach exploding; however, after taking a bite and savoring the richness of the green tomato, the decadence of the panko/flour/Cheetos crust, and the delicacy of the arugula salad, I realized I wasn’t off the hook yet. . The crust was perfectly fried and the slice of tomato was just firm enough not to leave the breading soggy, but still juicy enough for it to be an A+ tomato.

This food was goodand I was going to want a lot more.

Cheetos Meatballs

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Even though I’m now the orange-tinted ghost of Tanya Ghahremani, I still maintain that this meatball – which replaced breadcrumbs with Cheetos – is the best meatball I’ve ever had in my short little life. Topped with ricotta cheese and pulverized Cheetos, it tasted like a culinary creation worthy of being a finalist in Excellent chef. I’m not even a fan of red meat, but honestly, this meat/Cheetos combo was so flavorful and light, I could have eaten 10 more. Plus, it turns out that Cheetos taste amazing when bathed in a creamy tomato sauce?

I think shortly after consuming one of those meatballs, I began to be shocked at how delicious everything was, and briefly wondered if that was the feeling Eminem had described in “Lose Yourself” when he rapped about sweaty palms and weakness. knees. Probably.

Cheetos Grilled Cheese + Tomato Soup

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I don’t know if I have the best view now that I’m a ghost (everything is tinted orange from all the dust from the Cheetos, which is honestly a great way to see the world), but I have felt like it looked pretty alive holding that grilled cheese dipped in a cup of creamy tomato soup. What is this picture is not it reveals how my taste buds exploded enjoying so many delicious cheeses in one dish. This slice of grilled cheese was stuffed to the brim with bacon, tomatoes, cheese, and Cheetos, and was more decadent than any truffle grilled cheese I’ve ever tried in my life. The bread was so perfectly toasted it melted in my mouth.

The second dish: starters

Flamin’ Hot Mac N’ Cheetos

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If there’s one thing I remember most clearly from human life, it’s the fact that this dish of Mac n’ Cheetos was the best thing anyone has ever cooked in history. It was packed with three different types of cheese – cheddar, fontina and parmigiano – mixed with Cheetos white cheddar puffs and crispy bacon, and topped with just enough Flamin’ Hot Cheetos to add a tiny bit of spice. (Or, as a celebrity chef would probably say, flavor.) The pasta itself was also AF creamy, which went well with the crunchiness of the Cheetos.

Anne Burrell is a fucking genius.

Flaming Lemon Chicken Tacos

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Think the best tacos are in Texas and California? You are wrong. They’re actually at the Cheetos restaurant in New York, and they’re offering Flamin’ Hot Cheetos over chicken, beans, and sour cream. They were spicy, but just enough to make me want more rather than reach for water.

If anyone disagrees with me, tell them they’re wrong. I can’t, because I’m a ghost, and every time I try to speak, I spit Cheetos dust.

The third course: the desserts

Cheetos Sweetos Sweet and Savory Cookies

Tanya Ghahremani/Restlessness

Did you know Cheetos could be adorable? Cheetos Sweetos are cinnamon sugar puffs, and they taste as good as they look when baked in a cookie. It tasted a bit like those sugar cookies they handed out during elementary school holidays, only better, probably because they were created by Anne Burrell and not your neighborhood grocery store. It came with a caramel sauce sprinkled with Cheetos Sweetos, and it was around this time that I, the orange ghost of Tanya, began to leave my human body.

But not entirely. There was still one dish left.

White Cheddar Cheetos And Cheetos Sweetos Apple Pancakes

Tanya Ghahremani/Restlessness

If there was a ghost food for ghosts Orange Cheetos I only wish it was these pancakes because wow, were they amazing. With a cheese filling and caramelized apples on top, they were better than any crepe you can find in France, because Cheetos.

Guys? The spotted cheetah was good. It was possibly one of the best meals I’ve ever had in my life, and yes, I’m including that time I ordered takeout disco fries at 3 a.m. and ate them at reads while watching old episodes of Nightmares in the kitchen. Sorry, disco fries.

Either way, The Spotted Cheetah will be open in New York until August 17 and will offer these dishes and more (cheeto-adorned nachos, anyone?). It’s unclear if the pop-up restaurant will travel elsewhere in the country, but hey, dreams do sometimes come true. If you don’t have a reservation yet, you can join the waitlist on The Spotted Cheetah’s website, but full disclosure – the waitlist is extremely long. You can also stay outside to smell the cheesy goodness of Cheetos from afar. Trust me, your friendly neighborhood Cheetos ghost: it’s worth it.


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